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Abort, Retry, Ignore
Alex raced into his cubicle and sat down in front of his PC. Made
it! He rejoiced, as the clock flashed 8:00 AM. He wiggled his mouse to wake
up the monster that had been sucking up 16 hours a day for the last two weeks.
Bluish-grey light played across his face as he brought up UltraDev.
A cheerful little melody played briefly from his speakers. "God
damn you to Hell, UltraSoft," he snickered. A cough burst from his lips. When
the music was finished, a dialog box demanded to know which file he wanted to
open. He scrolled down the list of his crippled children. He stopped at KillScreen.asp.
He clicked "Open" and the box vanished. A more sinister and noisy cousin leapt
into view. A red circle with a white exclamation point inside dominated it as
a repellent tone clanged.
"A network error has occurred while trying to open file: KillScreen.asp.
Please contact technical support," the message ordered. It offered the solace
of "OK."
Alex slid the pointer over the button and pounded the mouse. An
UltraOrganizer Reminder window popped up on the screen. "Status report re: web
project. 10 minutes. Brett's cube," it beeped. "Dismiss, Postpone," it interrogated.
"Dismiss," Alex clicked.
"Crap!"
Alex brought up UltraMail and composed a message to the Helpless
Desk. "My network connection is down. I have a project due today and can't access
the server to complete my work. Please have someone check into it ASAP." He
set the message to High Priority and clicked "Send."
He grabbed his coffee cup and rose from his ergonomic chair. "I'll
need bookoo caffeine to get through this one." Turning to leave, a coughing
spasm grasped him. After the colors passed from his sight, Alex implored, "Don't
get sick now, buddy." Glancing at the monitor commanding his desk, he left for
Brett's cube.
Alex sat in Brett's hot seat for 23 minutes, roasting under a
slow flame. Three of Alex's projects had been late already this year. The VP
demanded this one be on time. Work more hours, get it done. He could feel smoke
curling up from his shoulders as he returned to face his monster.
Sitting gingerly in his chair, Alex stroked the keyboard. "A pox
on your house, UltraSoft," he said, his voice dripping venom. An envelope icon
stared at him from its cozy home in the monitor's lower right corner. He clicked
it and an email popped open.
FROM:Gandalf@nixsystems.com
TO:Alex_Roberts@nixsystems.com
Fixed your network problem. Rebooted a router and all is working.
More problems, email me.
The Grey One
Terrific! he thought as he disposed of the message. A wet trickle
slid down his chin as he hacked and wheezed. He wiped the spit from his face
and blew his nose with his handkerchief. A stabbing pain lanced through his
chest and disappeared. As he put the cloth away, he glanced at his hand. It
seemed thinner and more pale than usual. This job's gonna kill me.
He brought up KillScreen.asp in UltraDev so that he could start
working on it. He clicked the "Display in Web Browser" button and displayed
it in Internet Viewer. Half of the form appeared on the screen, followed by
the message, "Error 12060: Invalid function, GetData(), line 458." Alex cursed
under his breath. He went back to UltraDev and scrolled to line 458.
"What the hell's wrong with that?" Alex demanded of the box. It
stood silent, mocking.
Pain caressed his nerves. He gasped harshly.
As it passed, Alex stared at the demon that consumed his life.
It stared back at him with its single huge, unblinking eye.
Alex's fingers pounded the keyboard. He paged up and down the
file, scanning for bugs in his code that could cause this error. When he found
one, he squashed it. And another. And another. Fifteen minutes later, he saved
KillScreen and looked at it in the browser again.
"Error: 23. Variable undefined, 'UserNime', line 291."
Alex coughed fiercely. His white knuckled hand clutched the mouse.
He scrolled to 291 and replaced UserNime with UserName. His lip felt damp. He
dragged his wrist across his face and glanced down. Blood. What the . . . ?
The computer chimed and another dialog box blinked at Alex.
To Do - 31 July 2002
1. Complete KillScreen.asp by 4:00 PM
The border flashed red, demanding action.
"I can't. I'm sick," Alex gurgled. He reached for his phone.
The demon beeped at him, louder and sharper. The dialog box maximized
to fill the screen, flashing faster.
Alex listened to the static singing from the handset. The demon
would not let him go. He turned to face his tormentor. The phone dropped to
the desk, forgotten. A little wheeze sneaked out of his throat. "It's just you
and me now."
Fingers danced upon keys. The mouse scampered around its pad.
Alex focused on crushing KillScreen.asp's bugs with every bit of concentration
he could muster. One after another fell before his onslaught. But every time
he squished one, another crawled out of the woodwork to take its place.
>His hands became paler and thinner as they fought. Agony wracked
his chest, torture spun through his arms, paroxysms of coughing splashed crimson
on his lips. Through it all, a mad glee filled him. He would win. He felt it
in his bones.
Four PM approached. Completely drained, Alex fixed the vampiric
beast before him with a glassy gaze. "All right, you bastard, this time you'll
work." He clicked the "View in Browser" button and waited. As the web page unfurled
in front of him, he felt the last of his energy flow into his enemy. As the
"Submit" button displayed, his vision started to fade and he wheezed one last
time.
Alex's cadaverous hand slipped from the mouse and hung limp at
his side. The last thing he saw, as a happy little tune tinkled out of the speakers,
was a dialog box that read, "System Failure. Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Paul M. Frazier
Email: Paul M. Frazier
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