Alone

Barry moved silently through the water like a solitary U-boat separated from its pack. His eyes followed a beam along the ceiling to keep his mind on something other than the guilt he felt when he thought of Mildred. Not that he had any reason to feel culpable, he told himself over and over. It wasn’t his fault she’d died first.

He pushed off the gunite wall to begin lap twelve, ignoring the ladies doing water aerobics to his right. At the opposite end of the pool, he switched to his favorite, the breaststroke. When he did, Mildred’s sleek form floated into his head. It was the first day of practice for their college swim team, back when his head was bald by choice. He was a junior, she a freshman. He watched her surge through the water propelled by strong, confident strokes. Twice she noticed him and smiled. Each time Barry’s face reddened, and he turned away.

She was waiting outside the locker room after practice. They stood in the hall and chatted until she had to go to class. He missed his.

Barry felt his stroke become labored at the thought of their time together. The last year of her life was his most painful, as he watched her shrivel and weaken. Typical of Mildred, she remained upbeat until the end. They recounted stories from the past — good and bad — and laughed and held hands until she tired. The only thing she insisted on was that he continue his daily swim.

As happy as his life was with Mildred, he realized after she’d gone that he, too, needed time alone. It was something he hadn’t experienced since...since he couldn’t remember when.

He bobbed in the water at the end of his last lap, removed his goggles and laid his forehead against the tile. He stared at the rippling water. Guilt stared back. And the realization that he’d suppressed for too long crept, like bile, from deep inside him to the surface. For as much as he cared about Mildred when she was alive, and as much as he mourned her passing, he understood now that he loved being alone more.

Jim Harrington is a retired librarian embarking on a new journey. His writings have appeared in Apollo's Lyre, Baker's Dozen Literary Review, Bent Pin Quarterly, Long Story Short, MicroHorror, Static Movement and others. His story, “Sons of their Fathers,” was chosen for inclusion in the Bewildering Stories 2007 Quarterly Review.You can read more of his stories at hisWeb Site and on his blog at his Blog Site

Email: Jim Harrington

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