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Best of Show
An official from the Bizarro County Fair's exotic flower competition poked her head in the door to the contestants' lounge.
"Hey, the jury is back. We'll get the verdict in a few minutes."
The three finalists waited nervously in the contestants' lounge. Hilda nervously twirled her wiry auburn hair
around her finger, while Jonathon bit his nails, and Morris paced the floor.
The competition had begun three days earlier. Over a hundred contestants from the surrounding counties
presented their most pampered rare plants, each anticipating winning the coveted Rose Casket award or,
"The Golden Caskie"as the statuette was called, for the Best of Show..
A dinner honoring the winner would be held at the Slaughterhouse Steak House, where he or she would
also be awarded a large grave plot, caskets, and custom designed headstones for each family member
by sponsor and the town's largest employer, the Rose Casket Company.
The plants were lined up onstage awaiting their owners. Morris's plant, a meticulously manicured,
Giant Venus flytrap undulated back and forth as though seeking out flies or any other unsuspecting insects.
Jonathon's entry, his prized Brazilian Corpse Flower had just begun to bloom. While undeniably beautiful,
it emitted the stench of a rotting corpse. Even Jonathon kept his distance although he'd slathered his
upper lip with Vick's Vaporub.
Hilda's Pyongyang Annihilation Plant's flower resembled a mushroom cloud and glowed with eerie iridescence.
Its silky leaves however, cast the aroma of cotton candy, enticing onlookers to chance leaning past the velvet
rope surrounding it with signs Hilda placed warning them to keep their distance. She'd grown it from a seedling
she smuggled into the country from a vacation to Korea five years earlier.
Morris glanced at Hilda and snickered. "Hilda, do you really think you have a chance with that flower,
what's it called a nuclear power plant?""You're not even close,"she said. "Besides, I've just as much a chance to win
with mine as you do with yours."Well, you might take second, behind me, because Jonathon's stinks so much they'll probably kick
it off the stage.""Huh!"Jonathan indignantly snapped. "I must say you are a dreadfully crass person,
Morris. With your personality, I'm surprised they even let you into the competition.""Now boys,"Hilda said, "If you would just take
the time to take a close look at my plant, you'd see why it will chosen the winner."The official again opened the door. "You're all wanted on stage immediately, so come
on now, hurry. No dawdling please."Hilda and the other contestants stood behind their respective plants as the jury took their
places at the award table. The crowd hushed the moment the jury foreman approached the microphone.
"And now, I'm proud to announce this year's Bizarro County Fair exotic plant winners in
their order of placement."Jonathon took third place, and accepted his award forcing a smile. His plant appeared to emit an
even stronger stench as he passed by, apparently unhappy as he was.
When Morris was announced as the Second place winner, he turned toward Hilda and muttered, "You got lucky, bitch! But if
I get a chance to get close to your plant, this'll be the last time it wins anything."Hilda smiled, and replied, "Go ahead, be my guest.
I doubt you'll be able to hurt it."When her name was called, Hilda proudly accepted the award, and held the "Caskie"over her head triumphantly.
After the competition ended, staff members covered the plants and carted them backstage. Press and well wishers swarmed Hilda,
and by the time she returned to the lounge, the building had nearly become deserted of contestants and audience. She gathered
her personal gardening tools, and left to retrieve her plant.
She stepped backstage area and a muffled, "whoosh-boom"came from behind the curtain. When Hilda reached her plant,
its protective cover lay on the floor. The mushroom flower, now expanded to the size of a Volkswagen was just beginning
to shrink back to size.
As Hilda re-covered her plant, it belched and emitted a puff of what appeared to be reddish pollen. Jonathon had
packed up his plant had gone home. Morris's Venus flytrap still stood in a corner with Morris nowhere to be found.
She read in the paper two weeks later, Morris had disappeared, and his plant had died in its corner behind the
stage from a lack of care. Her plant, however, had grown another foot.
Harold Kempka's stories have been published in magazines and ezines such as:
Long Story Short, The Shine Journal, Fiction Flyer, Black Petals, and Microhorror.com, as well as, The Beaches of Belmont
hardcover anthology. He lives in Highland, California with his wife and son, and is currently working on a novel set in Vietnam.
Email: Harold Kempka
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