|
My Inner Battle with Babies and Biology
I am at an age where all of my friends are making the decision to have children. As a result, I have been
privy to a nauseating amount of unwelcomed information on the subject. I have also been subjugated to look
through an overabundance of baby pictures (who all look like little old men), forced to eat baby-shaped cake,
played games about babies, and “oohed” and “aahed” over ridiculous little clothes (small does not equal cute).
Sadly, I have also been involved in discussions regarding baby bowel movements, breast milk, the many colors
of mucus, and circumcision. Through it all, I have worn a mask of happiness and approval in an attempt to fit
in with the other members of my gender. Truth be told, I have despised every minute of it.
I am not proud of this revelation, but I cannot seem to change it. I know as a woman in my mid-twenties,
I am expected to care about repopulating the planet, as I am in my prime child-bearing years. In actuality however,
I cannot even bear the thought of bearing a child. I am lacking the motherly instinct I supposedly inherited when
I was born with a uterus.
Perhaps the thing that bothers me most about procreating is the selfishness of it all. I know that people claim raising
a child is an incredibly selfless act, and I have no doubt that it is. But I think the decision to have a child is
completely riddled with selfishness.
None who are aware of the problems with the way we live in the Western world would choose to bring a child onto
this planet as a favor to the child. Patriarchy, racism, poverty, cancer, and environmental degradation are not
the things of dreams. People choose to have children – albeit, possibly subconsciously – in an attempt to live
forever. It is our only chance for immortality. Someday we will die, but hopefully parts of us will live on,
not only in memories and pictures, but through DNA.
Another thing that really bothers me about procreating is the loss of identity. It is kind of ironic that
in an attempt to live forever, we end up losing ourselves. Parents give up the lives they had before
their children, and completely devote all their time to the well-being of their young. They spend
all their hours worrying, talking, and thinking about their offspring. They work all day to clothe,
feed, and shelter the children, and spend their time off caring for them and shuttling them to
places where they can grow and learn, all the while forgetting about themselves and their needs.
If a parent, by some chance, does choose to put their life before the child, they are labelled a
“bad parent.” It is only through entirely neglecting yourself do you become a proper caregiver.
However, the thing that bothers me most about having children is the thought of being reduced to my
biology. Once women have children, they are mothers. From then on, they will always be mothers. Bowel
movements and breast milk become not only topics of conversation, but points of interest. Things
that used to be important become trivial, and friends that do not have babies have different
priorities. Babies change women, and I’m not sure that the mothers I know are happy enough to
make me want to follow in their footsteps.
Despite my disdain for anything baby, I have yet to try and talk my husband into getting a
vasectomy because there is a tiny part of me that thinks I might actually want all that one
day. I worry about getting older and having no one, or regretting the decision to not have
children after it is too late to reverse it. Everyone tells me that I will miss out on so
much if I never have children. Part of me thinks they say this because misery loves company,
but another part of me worries that perhaps they are right. My only goal in life is to live
a full and happy one, filled with no regrets. I want to die with happy memories, and be content
that I got everything that I could out of this journey, and the thought that I could be missing
out on a major part of what it means to be human - worries me.
So my inner battle regarding whether or not to have children wages on. Perhaps someday the
decision will be taken from me, with either an accidental pregnancy or the revelation that
I am unable to get pregnant, but for now the decision is mine. The only thing I know for
certain is that I will not have children just because that is what people do. I would rather
be uncertain of my dreams than end up living someone else’s.
Katrina Dobson
Email: Katrina Dobson
Return to Table of Contents
|