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The Amount of Effort it Takes To Use a Stirrer Must Be Astounding
The chick at Dunkin’ Donuts
doesn’t dig me, which is cool
‘cuz I ain’t beat for most bitches anyway…
but even still, it grates at me
that the girl can’t show some effort
at her given pink-shirted profession.
Every time I tear around
the drive-in line and bark
my order in the rusty box,
I get a tiny bit excited, like this
might be the time she takes the time
to put a little elbow sweat and effort in,
like this will finally be the one
careful, calmly calculated coffee
she fills with single-minded love –
Instead, I drive around the bend
at her request and barely miss the curb
I seem to smack each time.
She slides apart her little window,
tips her head outside and coldly drones,
“two-forty-five”,
and slips me this drippy-ass monstrosity,
a gravel gradient of brown to silted tan
with a crusted rim of settled sugar
sticking to the base –
could it be so hard to stir, bitch? –
So now, instead of resting my eyes
on a sweet iced coffee,
she has once again conferred on me
an upside-down caffeine tequila.
And she smiles her little
pursed-lip smile as if to say,
“Who are you? You’re not that important
dude, you’re just cup number 854,
and I’m sure to pour a thousand more
before my shift is over
and my sad, chapped ass is out the door.”
Seeing there is not a thing to say
nor worthwhile reason to complain,
I trade her three crinkled singles
for two quarters and a nickel
and I pull away, swearing to myself
that the next time I drive by
is the time I pull around the side
and piss all over the new chrome rims
of the obnoxious sea blue Prius
her moron father bought her
for pouring such good coffee.
Patrick Shea is a lifelong resident of New Jersey, and still has no idea whether he ought to be proud or ashamed of it.
A graduate of the College of New Jersey, Patrick now spends most of his time freelancing as a small business
copywriter and subsidizing various area diners and deli counters. He is proud to be published in Ascent Aspirations
and other journals, including Breadcrumb Scabs, Instigatorzine, and Forge Journal.
Email: Patrick Shea
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