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The Audition
"Next," the stage manager called. I looked around to be sure it was my turn, and she repeated impatiently:
"Next." I took a deep breath, put on my combat face, stood up and walked to center stage, struggling each step
of the way to control my nervous trembling. Only the work lights were on, so I could clearly see the people
running the cattle call. There were five of them. Why did they need five? Could this be one of those democratic
collectives, where everyone argued instead of working? The stage manager handed what I assumed was my resume
and head shot to who I assumed was the director. He briefly scanned it, then passed it onto the others.
I waited until the last person was finished reading and comparing me to the picture, trying to appear cool and
confident. The director had been looking me up and down, lingering a moment too long on my breasts, which I
resented, even though I should have been used to the unwanted attention by now. "Sing," he said. I looked at
him in surprise. "I was told that I only had to prepare a monologue," I said. He ignored my feeble protest
and said: "Sing." "What kind of song would you like?" "Anything." I took a deep breath and sang the first
two lines of 'Greensleeves'. I thought I was pretty clever,
since I was auditioning for a Shakespeare play and it might impress the inquisition panel. A lot of good it did.
They stared at me blankly.
"Dance a beautiful dance," he ordered. "I'm not a dancer. I'm an actress." Once again he ignored my objection.
"Dance a beautiful dance." I briefly considered telling him to shove it, but I hadn't done Shakespeare since
college and I had learned that there were very few opportunities. So I did a beautiful dance. At least I thought
so. It was some kind of cross between a waltz and a fox trot. It was the best I could do. There was no reaction
from the inquisitors and I was beginning to get pissed off. If they wanted a prima ballerina they should have
said so in the actor's call in the trade papers. Part of me wanted to walk out without saying a word, but
another part wanted to do the show. Besides, I didn't want to give the assholes the satisfaction of watching
me slink off, tail in the traditional place, another defeated actor.
By now I knew that something unexpected would be next on the menu, so I smiled pleasantly at the inquisitors.
I got a quick rush of pleasure when some of them looked surprised. After all, it was obvious by now that they
were trying to freak out the auditioners. They probably assumed by this time that the auditioners would be agitated
and in the process of losing their stage persona. I had no idea why they devised this torture session. It was different
from any audition process I had been through. Maybe they had already cast the show and were getting their rocks off by
torturing some needy actors. Stranger things happened in theater. Whatever. I was here and I certainly wasn't going to
break down for their viewing pleasure.
The director gestured to the stage manager, who handed me a sheet of paper. It was in French. The director said:
"Read." I knew what he would say if I told him I couldn't read French, so I read. Maybe Charles Baudelaire would
have objected strenuously about my pronunciation, if he was there, but I was beginning to enjoy myself.
"That's enough," the director said, staring at me expectantly. I guess he was waiting for me to ask how
I did. I just stood there silently. He looked me up and down, again lingering too long on my breasts.
"We'll call you." I just nodded and left. I knew they would call. I had seen that lecherous look before.
Now it would be up to me to decide whether or not to do the show. Part of me was hungry for Shakespeare,
but these were weird people. I wasn't sure if I was up for any more bullshit in my life. Then I laughed.
I didn't have to worry about it until I got the call.
Gary Beck has spent most of his adult life as a theater director and worked as an art dealer when he couldn't
earn a living in the theater. He has also been a tennis pro, a ditch digger and a salvage diver. His chapbook Remembrance
was published by Origami Condom Press, The Conquest of Somalia was published by Cervena Barva Press, The Dance of Hate
was published by Calliope Nerve Media, Material Questions was published by Silkworms Ink, Dispossessed was published
by Medulla Press and Mutilated Girls is being published by Heavy Hands Ink. A collection of his poetry
Days of Destruction was published in by Skive Press. Another collection Expectations was published by Rogue
Scholars Press. His original plays and translations of Moliere, Aristophanes and Sophocles have been produced
Off Broadway and toured colleges and outdoor performance venues. His fiction and poetry has appeared in hundreds o
f literary magazines. He currently lives in New York City.
Email: Gary Beck
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